I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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