Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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