Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
