I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
