I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize