We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
His hands were made for my vagina.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
