There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
