drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
