Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
