But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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