thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
