Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
