3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
