LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
