Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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