I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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