he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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