I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
