Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
