redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
