I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
