I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
