Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
