Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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