strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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