i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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