Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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