My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
