are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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