ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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