We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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