The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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