Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize