Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
