Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
