have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Also, beer. Big fan.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize