I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
