I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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