Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
