remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
