I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
