We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
