No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
