She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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