Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
