Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
