Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
