There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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