If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
