I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
