went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize