We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
