Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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