i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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