all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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