She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize