Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
