She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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