Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
