i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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