Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
