you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
