I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
