my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Randomize
