A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
