mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
