I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
