if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
