making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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