My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The ass gains better be worth it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
